Q. My book never runs out of batteries.
A. Modern e-book readers run for a couple of weeks without recharging. Can you really fail to see the battery warning for a solid week?
Q. Well, but still, I don't like reading on a screen.
A. A computer screen?
A. Right. But it's nothing like that, you know. Looks just like paper.
Q. Does it smell like paper?
Q. Does it smell like paper? I don't want to read something that doesn't have the ineffable essence of print.
A. Hold on. Are you seriously saying that you buy books for the smell?
Q. Well, no. But--
A. No, stop right there. Seriously. Because every time someone brings up e-books, there's always this ridiculous line, as if regular books were printed on frakking gold leaf. What else, you're going to raise the lending question?
Q. That is a valid--
A. It's not a valid question at all! How often do you lend books? Because I maybe hand out one or two a year, but frankly I have enough trouble finding other people who read at all, much less want to read the same things that I'm reading! It is incredibly, massively stupid that this continues to be raised at all! If you want to lend it, don't buy the frakking e-book! Otherwise, why waste the paper--oh, right because it smells like magic. You know what I would like, just once, to hear someone say that they like about the books they read? The content. But no-one ever brings that up, it's always "oooh, the smell" and "oooh, lending to friends" like you're the New York Frakkin' Public Library. Probably because if they admitted that they liked the actual reading, instead of some pretentious vinyl-like format snobbery, they'd have to admit that the real reason they don't like digital books is because they fear change, you neanderthals.
Q. Now you're just being rude.
A. Yes. And?