Cabin Pressure

I need some conversation stoppers for my flight.

I thought of this when I ran into a copy of "Exploring the Da Vinci Code" at my girlfriend's office. One of her co-workers had brought it back from a conference. It occurred to me that it would be the perfect book to bring out in order to halt conversations with certain kinds of people on a plane. Then I realized that what I really need is a set of small books, each of which offends a different kind of seatmate: one for the Jesus freaks, one for the over-anxious grandmother, one for the hyper-Republican businessman, and so on. Then, when they start to spiral into their favorite topic, on which they can speak for all 8 hours of the flight, I just pull out the appropriate tome and kill the thread of conversation.

They should sell these things in kits.